Introduction by Steve Munslow

The present writer is not competent to offer an opinion of behalf of others neither does he have a mandate to do so, but if he were to express his feelings on this particular topic, then he thinks it would be fair to say that he would regard the suggestion that a special section of Lingvo Fan-club for the display of linguistic structures exhibiting a similar degree of syntactic convolution and of other linguistic curiosities besides, could be created, as being more than worthy of the attention of the person who has been especially nominated to form judgments on whether such things might appeal to no more than a small minority of those who have a particular interest in such matters or whether they may be of sufficient interest to attract the attention of such visitors who might choose to visit this site having found themselves to have been motivated by reasons of an entirely different nature.

A patient had been “sectioned” at home. Once someone is “sectioned” then it is a legal obligation to find a hospital bed, even if the hospital is full. Finding a free bed sometimes takes several hours. My colleague Chrissy was writing a final note in the medical notes (which cannot legally be altered), and someone was standing waiting for the notes, so Chrissy, under pressure to write quickly. wrote:
“A bed is continuing to be being looked for”

It is a real sentence I heard from the mouth of a young girl. Her mother had brought a book downstairs in order to read a story. The girl said:
“What have you brought that book for me to be read to out of down for?”

Just for fun

A woman is in labor in a delivery room. Her husband and a doctor are present. Suddenly she starts screeming: don’t, didn’t, won’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t. What is going on? - asks the husband. Don’t you worry - answers the doctor, - she is just having contractions.

Hearing so many people speaking ill about his intelligence level, G. W. Bush decided to get his brain checked. The physician diagnosis was :
“Mr President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people. The problem is: In your left brain, there is nothing right. And in your right brain, there is nothing left.”

Частушки (нецензурные) с переводом (аналогичным) ( автор: живущий в Нью-Йорке социолог и историк Сергей Ушакин, прислано: Vtora)

Рыбка плавает в томате,
Ей в томате хорошо,
Только я, едрена матерь,
Места в жизни не нашел.
Fish in thick tomato sauce
Swims in happy comatose
Only me, pathetic wimp,
Have no fucking place to swim.

По реке плывет топор
из села Чугуева,
Hу и пусть себе плывет
железяка хуева…
Down the river drifts an axe
From the town of Byron.
Let it float by itself -
Fucking piece of iron!!!

Меня девки с собой звали,
А я с ними не пошел -
Пиджачишко на мне рваный
И хуишко небольшой.
(Более пристойный вариант, приписываемый Галичу)
Меня на танцы приглашали,
А я на танцы не пошел -
пиджачишко на мне рваный,
да и членик небольшой
Girls have called me to the party -
I decided not to come,
It’s because my clothes are ugly
and my dick is a tiny one.

С неба звездочка упала
Прямо милому в штаны,
Пусть горит там, что попало,
Лишь бы не было войны.
Starlet’s fallen from the heavens
Right into my boyfriend’s briefs,
I don’t mind his roasted penis
If it helps us live in peace.

Я лежала с Коленькой совершенно голенькой,
Потому что для красы я сняла с себя трусы.
I was sleeping with my honey absolutely naked,
I have taken my panties off just to make a statement.

Old English Computer Glossary – Перевод компьютерных терминов на староанглийский